Thursday, September 18, 2014

The Forgiveness of Me

How many years can you spend putting yourself in exile? In jail for just being yourself?
How many? I can say about 3...but thats just me.
Why? Why punish myself for being...myself?
Its just so wrong. So hated. So looked down upon.
By family. Friends. Outsiders.

Who really matters though? Family.
And will they still love you for being you? Yes.
Have they forgiven you for hurting them? Yes.

OK. Now its my turn.
I forgive ME.

I forgive me for loving with my whole heart. For giving everything when I thought it was warrented. It wasnt about the hurt in the end. It was about the love in the moment.

I forgive me for believing in the family I created. Believing that God was the center and He was going to guide because. The demise wasn't his fault. Definitely wasn't his idea. But you know what happens when humans get in the mix? we mess things up wit our own plans.

I forgive me for losing faith for a moment. It happens to everyone. We all need to fall so we see that we have messed up. Its ok. As long as we learn from it. Look at the ditch we are in. How it was created and learn; teach outselves how to get out of it. Then we reapply that great faith. Remember who Christ is! He will take care of me.

I forgive me for having fear. That standstill fear that makes you hold all your goodness in. You don't want to share it anymore for fear that someone else will use and abuse what you have to offer. Fear is understood...but not acceptable anymore. Christ came to claim all fear. It is irrational now. Fear has no place at the sound of his great name [lyric].

Now that I have forgiven me....time to move on.
Nicole Charnel

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